Its Monday morning and I can already see people getting whiney in their Facebook status messages, about work and Monday and bosses. Remember what I felt about people's expressions on their way to work at the start of the week. I see a lot of volatality in people- like things are in a constant state of 'not working out' or 'this isn't what I want'. I don't crib much but even then, its natural for me to wonder if I'm living my life well. Here's something I read, and realized (surprisingly) I have satisfying responses to each of these questions. Enough of a reason to be happy? I think so...
If you knew you had a year (and no more) to live...
Would you still be doing the job you do today?
Yes, if I were working I would be doing this. I think I'd do it for 6 months, because I still do love the place, and the places it takes me to. The other 6 months, I wouldn't do a 'job'. I would see all that I have wanted to see and not been able to. I'd take my companions along. I'd provide free advice to Papa. I would write. I would learn to take better pictures. I would make clay models. Or grow flowers.
Would you still keep the grudges you hold against those you haven't yet forgiven?
At this point I don't think I have any grudges. There have been people I was very very upset with- those who knew they were going to hurt me, but didn't know they were going to break me. Once I healed, I also figured they didn't do any of it intentionally, and would not be happy to know they did indeed break me. I forgave long back, but it took me a while to forget. But I don't need to forget, do I? And no, no grudges! In any case, happy phases are highly over-rated. Dark phases have a charm no happy phase can match. Goya's dark phase brought out his talent on the canvas- and he left so much for the world. My dark phase made me beautiful. (And yes, I do like art too. I don't know much, but passable)
Would you still visit your family as rarely as you do?
I couldn't be closer to my family. Even when I'm traveling lots, I always call home. Nearly everyday. I figured if I am fortunate enough to have 2 best friends in my parents, I'm not going to alienate them. We're a fun lot, and find enough happiness in each other to keep ourselves inspired about life. I have known people who have not had great relationships at home, but touchwood, my folks and I get along awesome. Except!when!it!comes!to!shaadi!
Would you still be comfortable with the figurative distance you and the sibling have developed over time?
Vani and I are NOT distant. Vani, answer? I love you, and I love fighting with you, and I love when you buy me nice clothes, and I love getting drunk on wine with you, and I love asking you not to smoke, and I love you so much!
Would you still be whining about the little things?
Do you think I whine about little things? Do I whine? My natural state is quite a kickass one, may be more than required. So no, I don't whine. Except when my parents start asking me about my shaadi plans. Then, I whine, and I cry and I sob.
Would you still hold off on that phone call to the friend you haven't heard from in years?
Yes, I would. Totally. If I had just one year, I would need to be close to those who have been around the last few years, those who have held me together. I'd spend all my time with them because the thought of having only a year with them breaks me. Why would I call those who I haven't heard from? If I had 5 years, then may be. But 1 year is too short.
Would you still be saving up enough money for when you can finally start doing what you know will make you truly happy?
Touchwood, but I'm doing exactly what makes me truly happy. I wanted to live my twenties defying conventional Indian expectations and yet preserving those that matter a lot to me. That's my goal for my twenties- living beautifully....dancing when I want to, having a point of view, traveling the world, and traveling every weekend, writing, being fit enough to climb a mountain (small mountain), working in an intellectual environment and not getting pulled down by higher paying or may be even more glamourous opportunities (not because they aren't good, but because they don't matter to me), driving on highways, reading the best works of the most accomplished people, loving like there's no tomorrow, and still getting ample sleep. Yes, no world-changing goals, although with all this, I do end up making some difference to people's lives.
I feel like a star today, thank you very much. How do you feel?
Have you heard Dhan ta nan from Kaminey? Love it!