Tuesday, June 30, 2009


Wednesday morning, 7:29 am. I just finished Yoga but before I run into the shower, I want to put this down.

Some times we get so pulled down by smaller things that aren't working out for us, we lose the bigger picture. After a long conversation on complex matters of the heart with Peepu last night, I was all ready for 7 hours of undisturbed sleep. I woke an hour and a quarter back, and realized I had dreamt several times last night, of imaginary situations where matters of the heart pull me down. My first thought after waking up this morning was "what about all those big dreams?".

Really, what about them? when will they come back in to claim their rightful place? when, along the line, did life become all about conversations, Friday beer and matters if the heart?

I have to go and shower now....but I'm wondering if I should light the fire

Sunday, June 28, 2009

Just because....I love U2 (no, not you too!)

Is it getting better?
Or do you feel the same?
Will it make it easier on you now?
You got someone to blame
You say

One love
One life
When it's one need
In the night
One love
We get to share it
Leaves you baby if you
Don't care for it

Did I disappoint you?
Or leave a bad taste in your mouth?
You act like you never had love
And you want me to go without
Well it's

Too late
To drag the past out into the light
We're one, but we're not the same
We get to
Carry each other
Carry each other

Have you come here for forgiveness?
Have you come to raise the dead?
Have you come here to play Jesus?
To the lepers in your head

Did I ask too much?
More than a lot.
You gave me nothing,
Now it's all I got
We're one
But we're not the same
Well we
Hurt each other
Then we do it again
You say
Love is a temple
Love a higher law
Love is a temple
Love the higher law
You ask me to enter
But then you make me crawl
And I can't be holding on
To what you got
When all you got is hurt

One love
One blood
One life
You got to do what you should
One life
With each other
One life
But we're not the same
We get to
Carry each other
Carry each other


Thursday, June 25, 2009

I think I’ll die at an airport

Hahahaha! Have you ever met a VP Finance & Strategy of a world leading company who tells you he’s at the airport to catch a flight to Delhi where he’s going to meet a girl who he has been chatting with on the phone for over a month? He’s probably a little less than 50 and the girl is half his age- they met over a wrong number. He moved from the Southern hemisphere to Bangalore only a month back, and in his first week met this wonderful sardarni on the phone. He used to be married and has two boys- in their mid-teens. He loves his two sons, who he managed to steal from their mother after she left him to live with another man. Of course, I say ‘steal’ because he went under cover with his sons for a few years, until he came back and surrendered and this time, won his sons back through lawfully- fair and square!

We were on the same Spice Jet flight. I wasn’t going to believe he was VP when I saw him at the Spice Jet counter, until I realized he probably didn’t believe I was a senior consultant for the same reason. I spent 3 hours with him at the airport. He also gave me pointers on driving from Cape Town to Cairo. I’ve dreamt of it for 18 months now, I’ve GOT to do it in the next 12. Any way, I hope he has a nice evening with his phone friend.

I’m flying back to Delhi and haven’t waited for a weekend as much as I’m waiting for this one. Nothing special, I just have lots to get done. Plus, I think I’m too non-desi and feel like I need to get a few colourful salwar kurtas. Also, I think it’s awesome that I haven’t shopped in over a few months. I’m no anti-shopper. I like new clothes a lot- like my white dress, its got to be great, since it’s the second time I’m blogging about it in 2 weeks. But I don’t like how clothes and shoes have become the latest members of people’s lives. Any way, I don’t like most forms of obsession. Music and movies are totally forgivable though! Ok ok ok, we all have our vices and I just named mine. (On obsessions, music is totally my biggest obsession. I’m pretty sure this has something to do with why I say ‘pardon me’ 300 times a day. I like movies a lot too, but this is recent. In the last 12 months, I have tried to make up for the 25 years of virtually 10 movies. Contrary to what most people think, I’m not addicted to books. I like reading but I’m not a crazy reader who would die without a book. I carry a book most of the time but its because you never know where you get stuck. I like maps a lot, and hence the sense of direction of a police dog.I have less than 30 pairs of shoes, and every time I buy a new pair, I dispose one off. I do have a lot of clothes, running into several hundreds, but that’s more because I take very good care of them, and I still fit into what I wore at 17. Plus, I never really follow crazy fashions, so very few things in there are unwearable. I like body oils and lotions, but can do without them again, especially those that make you smell like a candy store or strawberry tart. I do like those with a neutral smell a lot- Clinique, C&E, Forest Essentials and Victoria’s secret’s non-fruit collection. I’m addicted to coffee, and all I can say to all those cancer warnings is ‘whatta way to go!’. A few things I’m not addicted to but I’m unlikely to give up….ever: Cheese, beer and love. Now of course, if I develop an allergy to milk products, get diagnosed with liver infection or have my heart removed, I’ll have to, but lets all fold our hands and pray that never happens).
Bangalore was great! My clients are fabulous. The main person I interact with is twice my age, Southern Eastern, from Jacksonville I think, and we get along great. We have quite a bit in common. We are both very close to our families. Just like me, he likes the Mid-west a lot more than the East coast and he finds Bangalore free-spirited too. He also treats religion as very private, and likes my country just the way I like his. Soon, I’ll head to Naperville again, on the other side of the world.

I’m pressing my palm against the warm window on the plane, and the light of the setting sun. I’m listening to Trouble Sleeping, from the O.C. The song reminds me of all the wonderful times I’ve had trouble sleeping, because, as the song goes, I’ve been thinking about what you said. Many of us find our nights full of movement, characterized by lack of long, sound sleep. Some have nightmares, some have panic attacks, and some just use the restroom too often. I wake up too, but for none of these reasons. I just wake up to walk up to the window and think about what you said. I won’t share the song, but listen to it any way, and live my life- just for one night. Don’t do it if you aren’t alone.

Sunday, June 21, 2009

airport diaries

You walk towards the check-in counter at the airport and run into old connections, those you knew through old love. You smile at them, but know the lump in your throat will soon appear and make you falter on the next few lines. After all, he probably knows of how closure happened. You exchange a few words, still waiting for the lump in your throat, or fumbled sentences or even a sudden hot flash. But it doesn't happen this time. You think,"when did I become so cool?!" You smile, you don't feel the need to talk much further- you've done the minimum. You walk along, run into colleagues, laugh over coffee and talk about the day ahead.

Its no great accomplishment- it has been really long you know, but come onnnnn, its cute no?

On my flight to chennai-land, taking off!

Weekend blues

I had a horrible, horrible weekend. Here's why:

1. Friday night was fun, with a few of us stuck at work and plenty (or rather, some) beer to keep us going. But then it suddenly changed. I ended very grumpy by the end of the night. Of course, I finally reached home at 3 am, which lays grounds for the second reason for why the weekend sucked.
2. I woke up at past 11 am on Saturday, which is awful. I wasted half my Saturday. I absolutely HATE slothful weekends. Yes, stuck up as some would say, but guess what, I don't care. I'm not one for sleeping in till noon. I'm an amry kid, and I love to wake up in time, shower, step out regardless of how bad the weather is, spend a few hours in a coffee shop, have lunch...and still have half the day left ahead.
3. I went to the salon and realized I had left my wallet in office the night before. Thankfully, Sonali was able to come by in less than 10 and pick my tab. God bless good friends. Obviously, mum had, by then, stressed her last few black hair out, as if my wallet had some 10 lakhs in it.
4. So later the evening, I had my yoga session. And it was the most painful ever, because mum, maasi (who's visiting ) would just not stop interrupting. So eff-ing painful. I love mum, but all I ask is for an hour a day. For someone who has lived away from home for most of her twenties, living at home has its occasional moments of immense frustration.
5. Remember the wallet I had left behind at work. So later last night, we went over to Sonali's for her pre-birthday party. It was good fun except that I had geneuinely wanted to com back in time because I did have a lot of shit to finish this weekend. But since I didn't have my wallet, I didn't have my license, and I was finally dropped back home at 3 am.
6. Hence, Sunday morning got eff-ed too!
7. I just wrapped up another painful Yoga session because this time, my neighbour came and stopped me in between. And that was it! Some times there's massive downside to having an image of being respectful to older neighbour aunties. Plus, I'm completing two years of living with the folks- can not go on forever!
8. Lastly (I hope this is the last dampener for this weekend. I am left with 7 hours you know), I had something on my mind for a few weeks now- which is a pretty long time for me. I left it behind me now. I'll stay the course.

Thursday, June 18, 2009

QQQQQQQ.........a...a...a..with a shaky explanation

I'm so confused! Should I? Should I not? Do I believe it is? Do I believe its not? Am I ready? Or is it that I'm not? Does it make sense? is it nonsensical? Is it just me? Probably. Is it worth thinking about? Or is it worth dissing? I think there's a bit at risk. Or is there? Or should I wait? May be I'll wait. Yeah, that sounds right. I'll wait. For what? to get away? Yes, its nicer that way. And may be it won't even remain a question when I'm away. And it won't come up. Right, and noone will know a thing. Not me, not you, and we'll live happily ever after....

Friday, June 12, 2009

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Facebook's a bitch

I just realized I'm scared of Facebook. I was uploading pics from my birthday, and 20 minutes after I finished, I deleted the album. The context here is I don't usually upload pictures because I can't stand people coming up with seemingly logical deductions about me from pictures of me. Even my profile picture is significantly dated.

Also, I'm quite judgmental of people who keep uploading photos, week after week. Its not like they upload anything special any way, just them partying in F Bar, and then in Ivy and then in Bachi da da da. And even more annoying are the pretty ladies who change profile pictures twice a week. I want to tell them they look just the same! The blue top looks as good or as bad as the pink one but stop ladies!

But I feel bad- now, noone gets to see my pretty white dress.

Edited to add: So my friends insisted I re-upload them and I did- a first for me! Of course, it unleashed this ocean of comments, many of which were flattering (coming from my girl friends who don't usually 'so pretty!!' each other...we're quite nasty), but it reminded me of exactly why I don't upload pictures. Thankfully, it helps that I don't have as many 'stunnnning!!!' pictures of myself. Facebook's quite a bitch! But hey, everyone saw my pretty white dress!!

Sunday, June 7, 2009

Li la li 26

Now the years are rolling by me, they are rockin even me
I am older than I once was, and younger than Ill be, thats not unusual
No it isnt strange, after changes upon changes, we are more or less the same
After changes we are more or less the same

Thank you, S&G

12:40 a.m; Monday, 8th June 2009

Saturday, June 6, 2009

7th June- Megha makes a kickass American breakfast

Preparation time: 10 minutes
Cooking Time: 10 minutes
Calories: 800 per Bagel
Nutrition value: Takes you to heaven!

Hyuk hyuk! You thought I was making this a recipe blog. Deathmax! Never

But sad, mum had only half. And Papa needs to swim longer today.

Differences in our worlds

The Western world has a long way to go when it comes to hospitality. I’m sitting at the Business Lounge at Terminal 1 at Frankfurt, on my way back to Delhi from a 10 days long work trip to Chicago. While I booked myself on Lufthansa, my trip back is on United, where business class is comparable at best to King Fisher Business class, which isn’t great if you’re doing 20 hours. Of course, if I was travelling on my own money, I’d be doing coach on Etihaad Airways!! But since the firm is paying for this trip, I have the luxury of cribbing. Its not the width of the seats or the degree to which the bed flattens. The service sucks! Yes, 10 days in the US, and I use the word ‘sucks’.

I’ve been to the UK and USA several times in the last few years, so many times I’ve lost count. Pretty fortunate, me! I love the Western world, though a little less than my Indian world. I’m always trying to justify that there isn’t really a clash of the 2 worlds. If you make the effort to tap into the place and the people, you’ll find the worlds are not so incompatible. Having said that, some differences remain, not universally, but based on which world you’re closer to.

I reached Chicago O’Hare airport well in time to avoid a flight fiasco like last time. I decided to put my feet up in the lounge next to the window, so the warmth of the gracious Chicago sun could fall on my face. I guess the heat got to me after a while so I got up to walk around. In any case, I needed to find a pharmacy. Of course, with little luck with the pharmacy, and little time left for my flight to take off, I headed towards the boarding gate. I had one person ahead of me when I started feeling dizzy. I knew the feeling. I had it before. I was going to faint in about 120 seconds. I started looking around for a place to sit, but every time I’d inch towards what I thought I saw with my blurred eyes, it would disappear. It didn’t help that the Indian uncle ahead of me left his bag unattended, sparking of emergency alarms that made my 120 seconds tizzy worse.

When my eyes opened, I was still at that awful waiting lounge. There was an Indian gentleman holding my hand, feeling my pulse. He wore the uniform of a paramedic. A Rakesh-Roshan-with-hair lookalike. The attendants around me didn’t stop cackling, and even contemplating not letting me get on the plane. I could hear them all saying ‘what’s going on’ and just that, several times. The paramedic knew I would be fine. He assured me the flight would wait a bit but I should take my time to get up. He asked me if I had eaten, whether I had slept enough and if I had been sick recently, none of which happened, I replied, still not completely well. Then, he held my hand and pressed it gently, asking me very softly, almost deliberately inaudible to anyone else, if it could be because I might be having my period. He asked the attendants to step back, and walked me to the plane, up to my seat 15A. He didn’t say much, just stood there for about 5 minutes. I think I slept off some time then.

I’ve always loved the Americans I know (I still do), but today, the only reaction I found genuine, dignified and humane, was the Indian’s. I guess some differences will remain.

I have a 4 hour stop over at Frankfurt. I’m listening to Rehna Tu, and wondering when the jinx will finish.

30 things

Saw this on chandni's blog. Good fun

1. When you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what was the first thing you thought?

Has my face gotten fatter?

2. How much cash do you have in your wallet right now?

Rs 600, $7 and a few cents, pennies, etc

3. What’s a word that rhymes with DOOR?


4. Who is the 4th person on your missed call list on your cell phone?

Nidhi Australia, because the bitch thought my birthday was 4th June

5. What is your favorite ring tone on your phone?


6. What are you wearing right now?

Beach dress bought at Penang, worn as a nightie

7. Do you label yourself?

Yes, Normal, contrary to what most people think. Not bold, not outspoken, not out adventerous, not liberal. NORMAL!!

8. Name the brand of the shoes you’re currently on?


9.Bright or Dark Room?

Dark with a lamp on the bed side table

10. What do you think about the person who took this survey before you?

I like her blog.....she's got her head in the right place. Strong opinions, laid back, and fun. But I can totally see how she and I wouldn't get along if we were friends.

11. What does your watch look like?

Its a classic Movado, with a black dial and a simple thin, steel strap

12. What were you doing at midnight last night?

Waiting for Lufthansa flight 760 to park so I could give my legs some exercise

13. What did your last text message you received on your cell say? "Thanks, Megha" from Namrata (Analyst at work, in response to me giving her a heads up on work on Saturday)

14. What’s a word that you say a lot?


15. Who told you he/she loved you last?(please exclude spouse , family, children)

A message from someone I like a lot

16. Last furry thing you touched?

The furry pouf on Iyer's bed at the W, Lakeshore, Chicago

17. Favourite age you have been so far?

Actually, now. I liked the 17-20 age too. No, I like this time the best.

18. What was the last thing you said to someone?

Allright, then.

19.The last song you listened to?

Sounds of Silence, Simon and Garfunkel

20. Where did you live in 1987?

Srinagar, Kashmir and Delhi

21. Are you jealous of anyone?


22. Is anyone jealous of you?

Possibly some, but not many many. I guess most people I can think of like my life and support me in what I do, and may even want to emulate some parts of it- but not many who would be jealous. Don't care about those who don't come to my mind.

23. Name three things that you have on you at all times?
My 'I screwed up...slightly' grin.....nothing else really. I do carry a tweezer quite often. But nothing that I have ALL the time. May be the intagible stuff like hope, optimism, spark and all that

24. What’s your favourite town/city? New Delhi and New York City

25. When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper and mailed it? Many many years back. I think in 2003, to Shiv. Or did I? He used to do these nice things, while i shamelessly blew up cash on STD booths.

26. Can you change the oil on a car? No.

27. Your first love/big crush: what is the last thing you heard about him/her? That he's married

28. Does anything hurt on your body right now? Yes, my legs.

29.What is your current desktop picture? A firm logo, pointing towards Ture North. Crap, I need help. I'm going to change it right away.

30. Have you been burnt by love? Yes and its not such a bad thing