Sunday, October 10, 2010

Loneliness is my fave drink

Its nice to be wearing music in my ears and staring at a bunch of strangers on Boylston Street. I'm in Starbucks for lunch and coffee, doing what I'm best at- typing away!

I just finished 2 decks this morning, and have nearly pulled 14 hours of work this weekend, but still feel surprisingly refreshed! I was to be in Boston only 2 weeks this time, but a few things came up and I decided to extend by 6 days. Of course, as I walk through these streets, sit in these coffee shops, buy beautiful clothes, my heart only sinks deeper, as the person who makes it all worth while is back home, cheerfully living his life! I'm happy he can be on his own, just the way I can. I'm happy we miss each other, but don't pine. We go days without speaking for more than 5 minutes, because we aren't great on the phone. Yet, our thoughts are with each other all day. I'm happy we're happy to do this. We wouldn't have chosen each other otherwise.

I was first here in Boston 4 years back, exactly the same time of the year. I remember stopping for a second at this coffee shop to wear some Mascara, at ~8 in the evening. That;s how long my association with this city is. This year, I first visited in May. Its October now. I have spent most of the summer and fall here. its going to be Winter soon. I know I've been here a while now- strangers ask me how to get around, and locals greet me like they know me well. I've found my own coffee shop here. I've found my favorite book store. I have a routine here!

And then in a few days, I will be back at the airport, where again, I'll have a routine. I didn't know it till a fellow passenger(CEO of big, heavy machinery firm in India) pointed it out. From knowing where to buy food for the flight, to be certain I won't have flight food even in First class; from knowing where to stock away my shoes to knowing the exact incline I want on my flat bed to setting an in-flight alarm to wake up and get to my computer- I have a routine! The sky is home :)

This year I've seen it all- India - Brighton - Paris - Amsterdam - Raleigh/Durham - New York - Los Angeles - Delhi -Koh Chang - Bangkok - Hyderabad - Bombay - Goa - Boston - Vermont - Houston - New Orleans - Road trip through Texas, Louisiana, Mississipi, Alabama - New York - Richmond - Delhi - Kerala - Boston - Minneapolis (tomorrow!)- I get tired but I love it. I thank the universe for letting me have this, because its what truly makes me happy.

I'm engaged- it happened, not surprisingly, at Terminal 3! I love the man I'm going to marry. However, with that comes a fear of losing this drink called loneliness.

I'm very comfortable, and often ecstatic when I'm alone. I often like strangers more than people I know. Thankfully people, Peepu is exactly the same. And thus, we both continue to live in 2 different parts of the world and enjoy being much in love with each other. He's in Delhi, I'm in Boston; he's getting ready to go to bed, while I'm sipping my afternoon coffee. We haven't spoken in 2 days, but we dropped each other email notes. We're alone, away form each other, but we haven't replaced each other with new people....just one old friend- and he's called loneliness.

The music is Piano Man.

P.S. I realize this is a long free fall of thoughts on my key board. For once, I made no typos while I typed this out (except may be Mississippi).

Friday, October 1, 2010

Thank you!

Some days like these, when despite all my efforts, things don’t work out, for reasons unknown to me, and beyond my control to the extent I can imagine. I was weak this morning, unhappy, because I put my life and soul in to something. And people in positions of power, came and snatched it away. Not my work, not the acknowledgement- all that is still with me. But my confidence, my pride and my strength.

I’m still thankful. To mentors who stood by me. To friends who diverted my mind. To family, that didn’t call, because they knew I was constrained. And to you, my love…my life, for standing by me. For messaging me knowing I wouldn’t respond. For staying awake so you could try me later in my day. For still smilingly sleeping, though I wasn’t able to talk. For declaring you were angry for me. For softening entirely in your messages. For reminding me of a wonderful life of togetherness that beckons. For making me secure. For convincing me I was right.

I’m madly in love with you. Like I’ve never loved a man before. And I wouldn’t trade this for the universe and another half of it…

I’m going out with the girls for a drink. Some local Boston bar. My mind, my heart and my senses are with you. Thank you for helping me get through this day.

I'm listening to Sugarland, Stuck on you