Saturday, August 29, 2009

An addition to the box of awesomeness

One might see this post as a logical extension of the previous one, but there were many that were typed out in between- on unrelated topics- but didn't quite make their way to the Publish tab.

For all the grief I get over being less social, I spend quite a bit of time and energy figuring out types of people I like. I place all these categories in what I call 'the box of awesomeness'. The predictable ones like those who are independent, risk-taking, free spirited are all in here, as are some of the quirky ones- like women with curly hair, those who dislike clubs but love bars, people who like beer and others. The latest to the addition is people who break up after the age of 25- 25 being the keyword.

Any way, so why? In uncomplicated words: breakups build character. They hurt. And it takes a very brave person to get through this, a very confident one to get through this without losing the awesomeness, and an absolutely fabulous one to get through this and come out of it even more awesome. (Strong adulthood influence: Barney Simpson, from How I met your mother.)

I acknowledge, that very often one of the two people breaking up (often called the dumpee) doesn't have much to do with it. But the infallible truth is that everyone who breaks up after the age of 25- the fickle dumper, or the needy dumpee- turns out awesome, since he/she spends at least a year of their mid-twenties preparing to spend their life without a partner.

2 outstanding questions?

* What about those who break up and quickly find another partner, or decide to leave this in their parents' hands, since for many people mid-twenties' relationships almost axiomatically imply getting married soon?
** Why 25?

On *, they're an exception to this principle of awesomeness. They're brave indeed, for taking such a big decision and without completely healing, deciding to move on. But not awesome, because they miss out on the tremendous insecurity followed by unshakable, almost stubborn confidence one develops when they start preparing themselves to live alone.

On**, because just the way its more difficult to lose weight at 25 vs 17, and just the way our bodies heal easily at 17 but not as well at 25, its more difficult to move on at 25. When we're older, we don't goof around. We place a lot of importance on love- and give it a lot more. The storm caused by a broken heart is much more difficult to clear when you're older.

And then when you do move on you're older, more beautiful and of course awesome. Without planning cool pickup lines, or romantic dinners, or flowers or cards or scented candles, everything turns out right!

I'm listening to Trickbaby, Fighter it is!

Sunday, August 2, 2009

Time and space

Of course I liked Love Aaj Kal! I think any one who has broken up a relationship would like it. If you didn't like it, you're in a good place to have missed the opportunity to identify with it. And if you did like it, you're in a better place since you have probably been in the prolonged emotional storm that a broken heart creates.

Breaking up isn't easy. I have had wonderful relationships, and when I look back, I rarely see the bad times. That made it even more difficult. And the last thing I remember is whose idea it initially was. I haven't stayed in touch with people I once loved. I don't regret it because I don't want to associate any other feelings with them. I'm happy to lose them as friends if I can preserve them in the role they once played.

I haven't been in a relationship of any sort for 2 years. Now I think I like someone. But it has been two years since I even spoke about being in love. Strange coming from someone who had found herself in love since the age of 17. Saying the Love word was never difficult for me. Friends would often wonder how I felt the emotion so easily. I did indeed. I fell in love very easily because I associated very little fear with it. I was always free to fall in love. Its life's irony that I now stay so far from it. I don't fear it or doubt it but I'm at zero now. I have forgotten the rules. I don't know where to start. The distance gives me comfort.

Only 2 days back I was talking (preaching) to someone about why love doesn't have to be difficult. It doesn't have to be complicated. I find it so easy to try to free his mind. But I confess I'm finding it difficult to get there myself...

The title is for the song in my ears. Its Yeh Dooriyan from Love Aaj Kal. And I really think that life after the emotional storm is a better place.