January 2011

12th Jan 2011

Its the 12th day of the new year, Amelie soundtrack plays in the back ground, I'm sitting on a make-shift cushion couch next to the heater, sipping Green tea to sooth my cold. Its my 20th day at home. It started with my case ending, a return flight (the last for a while) from Boston, a year-end break for the whole office, one week of light proposal work and now this week, when there's no case appropriate for me, starting up soon. That's how the job works. From over-worked to grossly under-worked.

Over the December break, I received 2 messages, from different unrelated people, asking me to continue writing in this space. I realize not many people read this, but whoever does, you'll keep seeing my spill life's happenings here occasionally.

This time its Emotional Energy that got me interested, pushed me to make some resolutions and then, spill them out here. I would often use depression as a catch-all, I'd attribute people's (and my own) sense of restlessness and emptiness to degrees of depression. The word also helped me make light of my own occasional sense of blah, as that was surely not depression. But as I make the most of my time off, I came across some interesting perspectives on 'low emotional energy' and a sense of 'Depletion' (as opposed to Depression) emerging out of it. I'm surely visited by the feeling often.

I have everything I could have wanted. I really do: a rewarding profession, a close and happy family, tons of friends, a loving boyfriend (now fiancé) who's also my closest friend, great sex, interests out side of work, a ton of travel, most things materialistic that I desire (including all the clothes in the world) and then the freedom to do exactly what I like with limited responsibilities so far. I could do with a fitter body and a little bit of sunshine in Delhi, but really, life's a little bit of a joy right now (touch wood!!). Yet, there are days I'm exhausted...depleted- that's the new way to explain it. And that's my resolution. To keep the emotional energy consistently up!

There are more, which I've already begun making some headway on.

* The kitchen's busy with me cooking up some or the other new (and healthy) meal every day. The biggest hits have been Pasta with Pesto and shrimp, stir fried shrimp, salad with goat's cheese and pine nuts, and easy though, marinated olives

*I've gone beyond just yoga to running and weights as well. Why? Because I'm bored. lets see how long this lasts.

*Spending more time with Peepu (yes, even more), especially since the second half of last year was spent adjusting time zones. And yes, I'm very much on track on that :)

And finally the update on the wedding: all set for the 9th and 10th of April. I'm conflicted between keeping-it-simple and keeping-it-insane.


21st Jan 2011

Still home, still no work, and for some reason, still not complaining. I was in Bombay last week and got most of my wedding shopping done in 4 hours. Yet another reason to love the city. Its always awesome to spend a weekend with Vani and Nobbie. It also gave Peepu some time alone in Delhi- something he needed to prepare for a two week trip to the States. He's gone :(

30th Jan 2011

Still home, still no work, and mildly concerned but still keeping busy. So now, just given face book is not to be trusted and I have a ton to say, I'll spill it here

* Peepu's been away nearly 2 weeks. He's in Virginia, I'm in Delhi. Being on this side isn't much fun. I liked that side. We spoke about this too. Turns out, he prefers to be the one waiting in Delhi, than to be training (or working) mercilessly, in a state of jet lag. That's awesome! In the future, I'll take back my role as the traveler and he can continue to enjoy his disciplined daily life in Delhi.

*I did 85 surya namaskars (sun salutations) yesterday. And you wonder why I call myself star people?

*I made a fantastic veg burger this morning. I still eat meat but I crave good tasting veggie meals these days. I found whole wheat buns in Khan market yesterday, and they weren't outrageously priced like Bagels and other nonsense. Rs 28 a packet- happy me! The patty consists of potato, beans, cauliflower, soya nuggets and chillies. My soul is doing a twirl of joy now

*I'm SO content with life, and I need to say it. I'm not exhilarated (I dislike people who are constantly in a state of excitement- the yay!! type), but my mind is just so stable right now. I'm in this moment where I'm thanking the universe for the love, re-appreciating my own inherent intelligence, stretching physical limits and overall, just counting what I have as opposed to what I don't.

I'm finally going to post this one.

As Sheldon Cooper says, Peace out

Megha

Happy Diwali

Happy Diwali!

Its Diwali eve. I'm back in India, and sitting alone in my apartment in Gurgaon. I was at mum and dad's place last night but decided to spend a night alone. Peepu is in the hills with his family.

I realize growing up really brings with it these physical and psychological changes. I chose to be alone tonight. I miss being with mum and dad, but also feel like this evening was much needed.

The windows are open, and the whole city is beautifully lit. Even Gurgaon looks beautiful. I spent the evening at Harpreet's place, chatting over scotch and sausages. Sumit is out, so I have the apartment to myself.

I'm listening to my fave playlist, and just happy with this moment. I was going to say joy, but no- comfort is a better word. There is comfort in being INFP.

Most of my posts are about love, travel, and loneliness- no?

So let me write what is on my mind, when love is away, there is no travel for the next *two* days and I'm alone.

*I have a friend's facebook profile open on the next tab. She started fun, went to cool, went to 'statement cool', traveled the whole world- to an extent I can't imagine can be fun, went about getting experiences you read about in Chicken Soup etc, and got ALL of them, and now updates her fb status every 15 minutes. No reactions. Just puzzled.

*I'm listening to Mary Hopkins's 'Those were the days'. Papa used to sing this to us when we girls. He gave it a lot of emotion. I used to start crying at the end, because I didn't think good things should go

*I got a lot of respect at work today. I secretly cried

*Women- these days they all want to look the same. Film stars, friends, colleagues....straight hair, bright coloured dresses, expensive stilletoes and thin arched eyebrows. I find being run of the mill scary. I like maintaining my individuality though it makes me 'less pretty'

*I hate people who judge/taunt children under the age of 18. I think its unfair and morally wrong. I was a victim and spent my initial few post-18 years defying in ways I could have avoided

*Madonna looks fabulous without a bra. I wish I could too. If I go without a bra, I would stop traffic!

*On Monday morning, Peepu and I leave a 7 day road trip in Rajasthan. Its why I love him! Just that I really want 7 days of being on the road with him. A week of driving, stopping by at lavish, semi-lavish and run down places, and just everything else

*I miss Vani being around more often

*My blog is public but so safe. I love my visitors,. Even the passers-by, who don't even read

Happy Diwali folks. I'm listening to Is it time, by the Eagles, and slowly drifting.

Loneliness is my fave drink

Its nice to be wearing music in my ears and staring at a bunch of strangers on Boylston Street. I'm in Starbucks for lunch and coffee, doing what I'm best at- typing away!

I just finished 2 decks this morning, and have nearly pulled 14 hours of work this weekend, but still feel surprisingly refreshed! I was to be in Boston only 2 weeks this time, but a few things came up and I decided to extend by 6 days. Of course, as I walk through these streets, sit in these coffee shops, buy beautiful clothes, my heart only sinks deeper, as the person who makes it all worth while is back home, cheerfully living his life! I'm happy he can be on his own, just the way I can. I'm happy we miss each other, but don't pine. We go days without speaking for more than 5 minutes, because we aren't great on the phone. Yet, our thoughts are with each other all day. I'm happy we're happy to do this. We wouldn't have chosen each other otherwise.

I was first here in Boston 4 years back, exactly the same time of the year. I remember stopping for a second at this coffee shop to wear some Mascara, at ~8 in the evening. That;s how long my association with this city is. This year, I first visited in May. Its October now. I have spent most of the summer and fall here. its going to be Winter soon. I know I've been here a while now- strangers ask me how to get around, and locals greet me like they know me well. I've found my own coffee shop here. I've found my favorite book store. I have a routine here!

And then in a few days, I will be back at the airport, where again, I'll have a routine. I didn't know it till a fellow passenger(CEO of big, heavy machinery firm in India) pointed it out. From knowing where to buy food for the flight, to be certain I won't have flight food even in First class; from knowing where to stock away my shoes to knowing the exact incline I want on my flat bed to setting an in-flight alarm to wake up and get to my computer- I have a routine! The sky is home :)

This year I've seen it all- India - Brighton - Paris - Amsterdam - Raleigh/Durham - New York - Los Angeles - Delhi -Koh Chang - Bangkok - Hyderabad - Bombay - Goa - Boston - Vermont - Houston - New Orleans - Road trip through Texas, Louisiana, Mississipi, Alabama - New York - Richmond - Delhi - Kerala - Boston - Minneapolis (tomorrow!)- I get tired but I love it. I thank the universe for letting me have this, because its what truly makes me happy.

I'm engaged- it happened, not surprisingly, at Terminal 3! I love the man I'm going to marry. However, with that comes a fear of losing this drink called loneliness.

I'm very comfortable, and often ecstatic when I'm alone. I often like strangers more than people I know. Thankfully people, Peepu is exactly the same. And thus, we both continue to live in 2 different parts of the world and enjoy being much in love with each other. He's in Delhi, I'm in Boston; he's getting ready to go to bed, while I'm sipping my afternoon coffee. We haven't spoken in 2 days, but we dropped each other email notes. We're alone, away form each other, but we haven't replaced each other with new people....just one old friend- and he's called loneliness.

The music is Piano Man.

P.S. I realize this is a long free fall of thoughts on my key board. For once, I made no typos while I typed this out (except may be Mississippi).

Thank you!

Some days like these, when despite all my efforts, things don’t work out, for reasons unknown to me, and beyond my control to the extent I can imagine. I was weak this morning, unhappy, because I put my life and soul in to something. And people in positions of power, came and snatched it away. Not my work, not the acknowledgement- all that is still with me. But my confidence, my pride and my strength.

I’m still thankful. To mentors who stood by me. To friends who diverted my mind. To family, that didn’t call, because they knew I was constrained. And to you, my love…my life, for standing by me. For messaging me knowing I wouldn’t respond. For staying awake so you could try me later in my day. For still smilingly sleeping, though I wasn’t able to talk. For declaring you were angry for me. For softening entirely in your messages. For reminding me of a wonderful life of togetherness that beckons. For making me secure. For convincing me I was right.

I’m madly in love with you. Like I’ve never loved a man before. And I wouldn’t trade this for the universe and another half of it…

I’m going out with the girls for a drink. Some local Boston bar. My mind, my heart and my senses are with you. Thank you for helping me get through this day.

I'm listening to Sugarland, Stuck on you

Boston: And just a few more days

7:44 am on the clock. In a few minutes I'll be ready to leave for work. I'm sitting at my desk- with my hair up, a white towel wrapped around me, a just-brewed cup of black coffee next to me, but with no thoughts in my head. There's a mirror on one side and I confess I look pretty in white and in less.

I'm outside of Boston, in a small suburb. In just a few days, I'll leave this place, and won't be back for a while. Until then, let me love the solitude I have. Let me love the loneliness. I once I wrote I love lonely people.....I still do. We need the rest of the world a lot less.


U2 plays on the computer. One.

Boston: Deja Vu

"Engineer, computers, I assooom"

I reply..

"No. Business.

I advise your management on how to make better business decisions. Some times I'm better placed to make not only better, but stronger business decisions. Yeah, they get me all the way from India to do that !!"


All right, you have a nice day too, Mr [Immigration officer, taxi driver, random stranger at JFK]. And I don't know shit about computers.

Listening to Pyar pyar by Apache Indian

One rainy day in Bombay

After an insanely busy week of travelling across the country, my last vendor visit, planned unexpectedly, brought me to Bombay. Spending my last Friday away from home wasn’t a great idea but then Peepu and I synchronized our work schedules and decided to stay back in Bombay on Friday night and even spend some time with Vani and Nobbie.

Done with the visit by 2:30, Rachana and I decided to hang at a coffee shop at Bandra, catch up on work, send out emails and for most part, chat about everything- once again! Soon Peepu and Vani joined us and we all agreed Hard Rock Café for the evening plan. Rachana was going to turn up with her friends.

We went to Vani’s place and sent our last set of mails. Work was finally done by 11:00 pm- the promise of an evening with Peepu, Vani and Nobbie kept me smiling through.

Hard Rock was great! It wasn’t packed the way it usually is. Between several rounds of beer, their signature (and awfully unhealthy) nachos, occasional dancing, smoke breaks in the rain, we were a happy lot. Somewhere in between Peepu told me he got a good deal at the Grand Maratha and we could in fact stay the night there. That’s where we headed at night.

I don’t remember when I crashed but the next I saw the world was at noon today. Our flight wasn’t until 6:00 pm. The downpour in Bombay made heading back to Vani’s side of town difficult. In stead, we decided to laze around for a bit, and then head out to Bandra.
As I looked out of the window, the weather outside was simply beautiful! Very lazily we got out of bed, showered and checked out.

While waiting for the cab at the hotel, we sat down for coffee too. I ordered my new fave dessert- Panacotta (with Strawberry). Our cab arrived soon. Merely driving around the very green past of town, amidst very slow traffic and heavy showers, we managed to catch up on a tonne of conversation. During this time, we stopped at Aquamarine to buy me a pretty silver necklace. We couldn’t escape the rain! Wearing a white romper in this weather wasn’t the best idea but with Peepu with me, I didn’t care much.

We ate at Café Basilico. This time, the conversations were much louder since the sound of the heavy rain on the make-shift plastic roof overpowered every other sound. During this time, Peepu suggested I consider visiting California instead of NYC in the 4 days between NO and Virginia- yay for the new plan! Oh, and at Basilico, sitting next to us was Amisha Patel! Surprisingly, she is pretty! With no makeup on, and in a casual singlet with slacks, she looked absolutely stunning. P.S: So sad these beautiful people complicate their lives- I don’t like what I read about her anger management issues and family troubles.

Our day in the city ended with lunch- we set off for the airport soon after. Not comfortable with the stares at my hardly modest clothes, I pulled out a shirt to cover myself up. Peepu and I stopped at the book store. He bought, I looked. I picked up coffee from the airport cafe. The new airport is beautiful- the emptiness of it made it feel very private to us.

I’ve put down a lot of detail above. I can’t get enough of this one very rainy day. I got 24 hours with people I love an awful lot. It was easy and breezy. We are going through a turbulent patch on the flight. My hand is in Peepu’s. His nose is buried in his India today. I have music in my ears. Chor Bazaari from Love Aaj Kal- coincidence!!