Bye bye London, Hello North Carolina

Its a cold Monday morning in London. Its dark and gloomy outside. My holiday is over. Peepu went back last night and I'm alone again. I'm happy I fly out by noon but I'm sad I'll be alone in North Carolina till the 18th while everyone will be in Delhi. I'm sad I'm missing Bharati's wedding. and I'm sad I'm flying American Airlines.

Ka Ching....

I spoke of this yesterday in my conversation of desire, turning dust to gold and why its ok to want what I want, but anything more than that kills me.

I'll share the lyrics AND the song with you.

We live in a greedy little world--
that teaches every little boy and girl
To earn as much as they can possibly--
then turn around and
Spend it foolishly
We've created us a credit card mess
We spend the money that we don't possess
Our religion is to go and blow it all
So it's shoppin' every Sunday at the mall

All we ever want is more
A lot more than we had before
So take me to the nearest store

Can you hear it ring
It makes you wanna sing
It's such a beautiful thing--Ka-ching!
Lots of diamond rings
The happiness it brings
You'll live like a king
With lots of money and things

When you're broke go and get a loan
Take out another mortgage on your home
Consolidate so you can afford
To go and spend some more when
you get bored

All we ever want is more
A lot more than we had before
So take me to the nearest store

Let's swing
Dig deeper in your pocket
Oh, yeah, ha
Come on I know you've got it
Dig deeper in your wallet
Oh

All we ever want is more
A lot more than we had before
So take me to the nearest store

Can you hear it ring
It makes you wanna sing
You'll live like a king
With lots of money and things
Ka-ching!

You gotta be cool, you gotta be calm, you gotta sing together

Its finally the week of 26th. I feel bad my holiday starts the same day that darkened India last year, but it wasn't planned this way.

I kept my promise and did not sulk the last 2 weeks. In fact, I worked bloody damn hard and delivered kickass output. Not, only if we can get through the next few days.

I'm mixed today. Happy and Sad. I had a nice Sunday. Peepu and I went shopping. We picked up all sorts of random stuff including antique mashals, locks and specs' holders. Peepu picked up T shirts with Punjabi slogans on them. Who knew I'd date a boy from Ludhiana. Then, he picked up two sweaters. And thank god my boyfriend likes shopping (he insists he doesn't!). We had South Indian breakfast, street food and several pots of coffee. I got myself a face pack and purple tracks. So that's the reason I'm happy.

I'm sad for 2 reasons: I feel purposeless and I feel angry. I feel purposeless as I have this sudden feeling of 'is this what i'm made for?'. I did well in my last review cycle, which is probably why I'm questioning things again. Do I want to live with my parents? Is travel my only motivation to work? Do I really get a kick from being a Consultant? Have I really taken any risks? Once my holiday is over, what am I really going to look forward to? Many many questions, but no answers yet. I'll end this one with ..... as this isn't going to end soon. So ........

And then I'm angry. I can't believe I'm writing this in a public space but I'm angry with home. I'm from a rather neat family. They're smart, educated, well turned out and extremely liberal. We have enough even though we never really planned it to be this way. I live on my own terms, which keep me from confirming yet keep me grounded solid. But more recently, I get the feeling my life's getting increasingly materialistic. I'm afraid because my family really defines a large part of who I am. And I am indeed fabulous! I live a good life- I make sure I'm able to get most of what my heart desires, whether its a nice set of stones or hot black coffee or steamed momos or a Parisian holiday with my fav boy. I don't accumluate. I follow whatever my heart is dazzled with. And I'm angry because more recently the Joneses are starting to haunt my mum a bit, making her push me to follow not what my heart desires, but what my neighbours' hearts desire. I'm sure this will pass too...

Have you heard Des'ree, you gotta be?

Good morning (does 6:00 am count as morning, or is it ‘just past midnight’?)

It’s 9th Nov. I promise, for the next two killer workweeks, I’ll smile my way through work. I will not touch HHC, Facebook, shopping sites or Travelocity (or makemytrip.com). I’m going to be terribly angsty if I don’t feel the week of 26th is well deserved, and to make sure I avoid that feeling while on holiday, I will work extremely hard (like hands folded, conversation to god happening). Also, if someone pisses me off, I’ll count to over 50K if that’s what it takes, but I will not be grumpy.

Its 6:03 a.m, Delhi is asleep on this misty early winter morning. I’m on my weekly flight to Hyderabad. There’s something about this flight that’s not quite. There are too many computers open, including my own, and almost everyone is travelling on work. Too many men suited up and nearly no women on this flight- so typical of corporate India!

My strong Costa Cappuccino saves my morning. Good morning world. I’m ready to take you on. Since I can’t fight you with curses, I’ll tame you with love.

The attendants are looking at me- I better shut down. I’m plugging in the music; I don’t know what its going to be. I’ll see you on the other side.

Not bitchy

So kids, I just came back from a much desired girly evening out. I met Sonali and Rak at Smoke House Grill and as always, it was awesome. We've known each other since 8th grade and still meet at least once every couple of weeks. We lost touch for a few years in between but something went right in the universe, and we all ended up back in the same city again.

So, let me go back in time and tell you about my close friends. I never had girl friends. I had a bunch of 4-5 of them in school, after which I always one close girl friends but my gang was always rowdy, nasty boys.It was always easier because I always stood out. But somewhere, a couple of years back, the girls and I reconnected and I have loved it ever since. The thing about these girls is, they aren't bitches. I don't like bitches and have a fairly clean record of not knowing many. We have fun. We laugh a lot. Rak's a boy. Ok not really a boy, but a lot like one. Sonali's such a girl! I'm somewhere in between.

The other thing about these girls is- they can drink! There's this unstoppable-ness about them...they go on all night. If you know me a little beyond this blog, you'll know my ability to drink is shameful. I get pretty happy with 2 glasses of wine. Things ran pretty much the same way today, except that it was 2 bottles. Now, I'm damn happy!

I'm 2 weeks away from the much awaited break. Its going to be Western Europe!! London, to meet friends; Paris for the romance; Amsterdam for the coffee shops. Monday, the Netherlands embassy blesses my passport (hopeful, me) after which, I can start telling myself to get throguh each day, as at the end of this dark tunnel, lies plenty of sunshine. Until then, lets hope the stars keep shining on us.

I'm reading Eat, Pray, Love these days, and as much as I don't like chick lit, this one's very well done. I especially like the self-deprecating tone throughout- kind of reminds of myself.

Peeps is asleep. I tried calling him but I think he's out. I'm not used to not chatting with him late at night so the feeling that somethings missing. Damn, people like him. Tough to live with and without.

On an aside, I'm putting on weight again, which is worrysome. I did an intense workout today, including 50 sun salutations. I think its the cheese. When the world is about to end, and I have one thing left to do, I'll dive into a pool of melted cheese. Any way, its time I start cutting this fatty crap out of my system for a bit. I do like myself better when I'm fabulous.

My eyes are giving in now; I better get some sleep. But I promise to breathe more life in to this blog. I'm considering using it as my weekly diary, so some day my grand children can read it and feel the awesomeness.

I'm listening to Umbrella and I promise, one of these days I'll have Stars tattooed on my leg just the way Rihanna does on her neck. For Star People.

My early morning

Its 6:30 am and I'm up! And fresh! I got enough sleep. Gotta love this life; I slept a whole 8 hours.

So last night when I returned to the hotel, I had 40 minutes between when I got in and a client call. I decided to try a power work-out, which in retrospect was so easy. I should do this more often. Now that I'm up so early (6:30 IS early for Hyderabad days; I don't leave the hotel until 9), I'm going to do another power work-out. My power work-out consists of 50 sun salutations, crunches, arms and legs exercises....which I have no idea why I feel the need to explain.

In other news, my team won the Asia Pac award for the best case- something I'm quite jazzed about. Its a nice way to start this 'early' morning. Hopefully, we'll all do a fun retreat in Goa or Thailand or something. It does help to have me and Peepu on the same 'broader' case team.

Adding to the joy of this early morning is Continental Airlines, who have recently become a part of Star Alliance, helping me merge my SIA miles with my Continental miles, and sponsoring a vacation to South East Asia for me.

Speaking of travel, my UK visa is done and now I'm waiting for the Schengen. I'm excited but sometimes unsure of the holiday. See, I have to go to the UK because my friends are all there. Then, we planning to head to Amsterdam and I interrupted that with 2 days in Paris (I take full blame- Paris is entirely my idea). The concern is that Paris is awesome, and I won't want to leave it. I don't care as much for getting high in Amsterdam. But I heard they're cooler things there. So, lets try it. We're trying to get this cool hostel right in the middle of the city. The other sad one is that both Paris and Amsterdam have their sales starting only in January.

Finally, I've been making chocolate and tonnes of it. I start on Sunday mornings and end in the afternoon; feed my friends through the week. I feel like aunty chocolat!

I'm off for my workout, playing Meatloaf in the background. Rock and roll dreams is my Meatloaf favourite.

Edited to add:

Fun fact about me: I have 3,000 travel plans of which not even 3 are likely to materialize. I can't work if I don't have travelocity or makemytrip open in another window.

Fun fact #2: I have over 3,000 articles on different places I want to visit, and there are times when I wonder what I’m so happy about. That’s when I open this folder to depress myself a bit, and establish normalcy.

Fun fact#3: When I really want to test someone’s affection for me, I float the most random travel idea. I judge them based on their response. For instance, recently, at 6:00 am, I called Peepu from the airport, suggesting we go to Andaman and Nicobar islands. I finally shut up when I realized it takes 18 hours and costs Rs 34,000. But he’s so sweet for agreeing 

Why are we so complicated?

So we called it off. Why? Because we are complicated beings. We get it all easy, and hence decide we have a right to be fussy about everything. We're fussy about when we say 'seeing' vs 'dating' vs boyfriend' vs 'into you' vs 'love'. We find it easier to be sad than happy. Because we're too intense. You know what's wrong? We have first world problems. Its something I inherited from an old friend. Its funny, he had more first problems than anyone I know, but refused to use this word on himself. Whatta clown! Any way, we are way too intense.

Damn, but I'm not! You guys know me to be happy, fun and free. Should I become complicated too? I genuinely find it easier to be happy even when EVERYTHING goes wrong.

Any way I'll continue later. Right now, I'm listening to Tom's Dinner (remember, Suzanne Vega?). Because I'm a happy person. And this song is perfect for this weather. I don't follow it exactly, but it makes me smile.