Revival (attempt)

Since I’m writing after so long, I’ll just start off from where I am. Some changes have happened in the last year, but I will attempt to reflect those in the writings that will follow in the next few days. I hope that makes my story contiguous and understandable.

Its nearly the end of the year. Peeps and I returned from a week long road trip in the Southwest. On our return journey, we got talking about what the US has and doesn’t have to offer. Amongst what it doesn’t have, are clearly, learnings from a long historical past or an intriguing culture. But we quickly moved to what it does have, something that most folks disagree with.

To start with, the geographic beauty in the US, from what little we have explored in the last few months, is nothing short of mind blowing. Specifically, our experiences in the Redwood forests, the lonely expanse of the Death Valley, never ending rocks at Zion or the vast grasslands at Tehachapi, all uncovered a magnificent visual, incomparable to anything I’ve seen before. We did enjoy the coast at the Big Sur, but acknowledged that it doesn’t come close to the ocean in South East Asia or East Africa, or the highway diversity, which can’t compare to India’s. But geological formations such as the one I just mentioned, were an eyeful for us.

Another thing which the West, and specifically the United States, offers is an insight in to the history of the last 200 years. The contrast across the last two centuries is strikingly visible here, probably due to the absence of anything meaningful before. But credit where credit is due. We travelled through the Borax works in the Death Valley and realized just how recently these vast distances were covered in much less sophisticated manner. India and most of my beloved third world, unfortunately doesn’t offer such contrasts as the extreme modernization still evades us there.

Moving beyond the travel, a third aspect of the US, which I absolutely and passionately love, is the choice of food it allows. I’m a relatively simple eater and don’t enjoy restaurants as much as many others do. In fact, holidays are often my reason to detoxify with simpler food, owing to the lives we ordinarily lead. This country allows me to do so much with food. I get what I want, where I want. It’s a joy to cook at home, and it’s not difficult to find clean and well-made food outside either. I can cook all kinds of healthy food, without it having to be boring. My experiments so far include burgers (medium rare), hung curd wraps, roasted sweet potatoes, lots of green juices, a variety of salads, and many more. For someone who has very little time but a big desire for well made, clean food, this country has a ton to offer.

I’m happy to be able to breathe some life in to this space, but know better than to commit to it yet. It’s that time when I make new plans and set new goals. This year I’ve asked Peepu to humor me with an experiment. We will make 3 resolutions (big or small), of which two will be those that we set for ourselves, but the third will be set for us, by each other. We need to be kind and practical, but at the same time, suggest something that we believe will overall make life better. Peepu has agreed to participate, so I’m keen to see how this works out. And as I type this, I realize how this is one of those grown up things, at which I would roll my eyes, a few years back. I guess the world will have to cope with me growing up.

There’s no music as I OD-ed on my playlist on our 530 mile drive back. But the song that’s still playing faint in my mind, is ‘This is the life’ by Amy MacDonald

Age of a Woman

Cold Sunday morning and John Lennon singing Stand by me.

2013 has started. We're a;ready 20 days in. I've said good bye to 2012 and I'm looking forward to a more active, alive and balanced 2013.

Peepu is in the Maldives this weekend for a work event. I chose not to go to avoid the travel. I'm surely missing out but I've had an incredibly productive weekend. And its only half over.

We're heading to Frankfurt and Tromso this month. If the reader prays, please pray we are able to meet the Aurora Borealis. I need to pack for these 12 days. How I always end up ion Europe in the winter! We're going to give our parents company this time :) And there's little else that brings more joy than being with family.

Nidhi, Puchu and I had a great evening, and one with only the ladies, after very long. Our conversations went from marriage, singlehood, travel, common friends, outfits, jobs and books. What balanced individuals one might think. Its one such conversation that led me to open this page and write. Growing up.

We are as a generation slow in growing up. At least the privileged city kids. When we were in school and college, we tried real hard to grow up fast. Wearing make-up early, drinking at 17, making relationships more intense than necessary, having sex early. And now, this same generation, is just refusing to take on life as 30 year olds. Too young to have children, conversations which can match any 24 year old's, occasional childish behavior, shock when someone actually chooses to stay home on 31st Dec, TV shows, the Wii. I was four when my mother was as old as I am today. I don't feel strongly at all about 'marriagable age' but I'm not arguing with nature. I will be a less fit, less healthy mother. When I get to it.

This isn't intended at self-criticism. Its an observation on the generation.  I see people over the age of 30 announcing that they wore a dress today after months. As a generation, while we work hard and crave (and announce) the good life, we've also, more recently, made a big deal about not needing to working too hard. When we see someone working 16 hours a day, we're quick to make a judgment on how they are corporate slaves. We value ourselves just so much. I hear people telling me 'its just a job'. How I hate that mentality?! One spends at least 1/3rd of their week at work (me 2/3rd). I don't understand how one can be transactional and not passionate about it. And if you're mildly passionate, its not 'just a job'. Its a critical part of life, for which tradeoffs need to be made, just like for your family and friends.

Clearly, we are the generation in transition. My friends from the West seem to be more in sync with the order of nature than my desi mates. We aren't taking on new roles as readily.

May be we should re-read The Seven Ages of Man.  Except that stage four doesn't make any sense to me. And isn't that where I'm supposed to be now?

A world of our own

It’s a Sunday evening spent in Bombay. I’m sitting on the bed at the hotel, and Peepu is sitting on the couch facing me. We spent the weekend at Sula Vineyards. I visited after 4 years and its changed a bit, for the better. We didn’t get the private bungalow this time, but the small resort is just as lovely. The weather is just perfect! Its chilly, with a mild drizzle every now and then. Its green, and there’s a lake. I went biking, after 19 years, and wasn’t too bad at it. Fit as ever.

When we arrived at Sula on Saturday morning, we spent the first few hours cozying up in the room. Last weekend, I had force-shut the last season of Desperate Housewives before the last two episodes, only to save them for this weekend. It was one of the best finales I have seen. I think it was the underlying fun in even the most severe situations.

And now I’m facing a recurring and temporarily severe situation. Peepu leaves for Delhi in a few hours, and even though it’s a few days each week, it makes my heart sink. Or turn blue. Or something sad. I soon get to work…and then this short weekend, so much like a dream, will be over. Just a cold breeze, a late night walk in the vineyards, a few glasses of local wine, and sharing coffee in the balcony over a few songs….that’s all it was, but yet so precious.

I turned 29 this month. I can feel the age. It has brought so much experience, learning and goodness that I can only look forward to the years to come. I have pulled back a lot. I meet fewer people. I take fewer photos of myself. I shop less. I eat good food. I have brought back the music in to our days. I spend a lot of time outdoors, and even more in physically challenging my body’s limits. I have de-cluttered life- of people and things which weren’t adding much. Of course, there are many that do (people and things), and those stay in. And this way it works just fine. Tw!

The music is ‘Wonderful Wonderful’, all thanks to Desperate Housewives. And to Peepu, for making this life wonderful. Here’s a line for you… from the song and from our private lives

Some quiet evening, I sit by your side and we’re lost in a world of our own. I feel the glow of your unspoken love, I’m aware of the treasure that I own. And I say to myself, its wonderful, wonderful, oh so wonderful my love. 

Because some times you have the strength

I'm a guest on this blog now. I'm not here for long today. Just want a place to leave a smile. :)

A smile because after two rough days of getting mindfucked, I'm back in action. Its amazing how just a few hours back I was lethargic, lifeless and anxious. In huge part, thanks to Peepu was holding me together and myself for fighting back. Its true, there's little else which can provide an uplift like a few hours of exercise, a beer, music from school days and the support from a loved one.

Why mindfucked? No real reason. Everything's perfect on the surface, and even two-three levels down. Knock on wood! Just some days are crazy and they become frequent, and then frequently crazy.

The music is the Unforgiven, by Alvin and the Chipmunks. Very appropriate. An undeserving yet mildly disturbing situation can only be equated to this song

Women and me

So its holy and its international women's day! To me, its a mid-week holiday, a perfect spring evening, 7 pm, at my spot by the window, dusk glancing through, the warm yellow lamp providing me enough support so I can write. Its a few days like these, when I get time on the Mac. The Mac isn't a Mac in my life. Its sole purpose was for me to write. The Mac is the other side of my life.

Holi doesn't interest me much. It never has. I like the day primarily because the afternoons are all mine, since most places are deserted while the world sleeps the bhang off. I did get my beer this afternoon, along with a lot of playfulness, though color and water had little involvement.

Women's day has of course never been of much interest to me. It just never had much significance. I got thinking this afternoon. What does women's day mean to me? I'm all for women's rights but have been, touch wood, fortunate enough to have fantastic men in my life. These men have celebrated me! Every day around these men, my father, my husband, my past boyfriends, has been a celebration of me. Fortunate is right. So I'm all right. But this women's day, I started think of the women in my life. And I decided to write my wishes for them and myself

~True desire. Desire so intense, it makes you strong and driven enough to make the happiness yours
~Independence. Without freedom, the spirit is stifled. Live free. Remove all stereotypes, social expectations, pressures to be normal, or pressures to be unique, and just feel free. Free to roll along.
~Solitude. I've found myself to think deepest and clearest in times of solitude. I wish us all these special moments, which we must live only for ourselves. The power of solitary thinking is immense. Its a workout for my brain, and fuels problem solving and intelligent thinking
~Love. Unfortunately, love fosters dependence, and fear of loss. But there's a power in love. It cuts the rest of the world to size. or even smaller. A few moments of togetherness significantly alters my view of what is significant. I wish you the love you want...passion, calm, convenience, companionship, whichever works for you. But I do wish this for you, and every woman I know
~Strength to stand by yourself. I am no expert here (or on any of the above). But every time I see you move away from yourself, even a bit for your family, husband, society, mother in law, it breaks me. Don't change your job (unless you don't like it), don't change your last name, because its yours, whether you like it or not. Wear that little skirt. Break that fast if you're hungry. Pile on pounds. Stay unmarried. Stay single if that's what makes you happy. Kiss the girl. Marry outside your religion. DO what defines you. Chances are, people will get used to it. And the love will continue.


Have a happy life! To Megha and others around me.

Free people

I just lived the perfect weekend! A great mix of old and new friends, one Tam wedding, moments of love with Peepu, pesto chicken (again for Peepu), a solitary cup of black coffee in the quiet, lonely cafe over a quick Ruskin Bond story.

It was the wedding of one of my very dear friends. It started as any association would- perchance, through common connections, but over time, he has become very special to me. I (consciously) made very few friends in business school, and most of them were at the wedding. I also met, after five years, an old flame. It brought with it some reminders, and more importantly the great feeling of not regretting what you did earlier. Not feeling guilty, nor sorry, not apologetic. I'm sure he felt the same way. Live really does go on, and it must!

I have been heart-broken once in my life. It burnt me. I felt helpless and wronged. But its moments like today that help me realize that the wrong-doer is rarely focused on doing any wrong to any one. The 'wrong doer' is only trying to free themselves. And in that process, they may hurt or even break a few people. But a few years down the line, once the dust has settled and you- the 'wrong doer'-are forgiven. And just in that spirit, for all the times I have been miserable for being wronged, I'm going to continue to pride myself over the 'wrongs' I have done. Unfortunately, most personal associations don't come with a contract or rules of engagement. Broken hearts are a hazard of such associations. A few years back, I let go of the disappointment of a broken heart and freed myself of any malice, or even emotions towards the person who had 'wronged' me. It was just as important to free myself of any guilt of having 'wronged' some one too. The meeting this morning reaffirmed my confidence in freeing ourselves of all sorts of guilt.

Isn't guilt a self-inflicted trap? I'm human. I make errors. I'm no genius. Nor do I ever aspire to be. If I make errors, my reasonably intelligent brain directs me to correct them. In this process of correction, some people get hurt. In stead of priding myself over fixing the situation, I chide myself silly for the accidental hurt it causes. Whoa! This is SO unlike me. Yet, I like the sound of it. This deserves to be added to my resolutions for the year: don't die in guilt.

I'm watching Peepu. He's lying on the couch and drifting in to sleep. Soon I'll have to wake him up, ask him to put the laundry out, change and then come to bed. There's joy in that trouble too. Each moment is precious. I guess that is how marriage is different: each moments brings with it more love, intimacy and unfortunately dependence. After very long, today I went to a cafe by myself. The fact that it felt incomplete only made me want to chest bump myself for having been a super single trooper. I can see why some single people pine for such intimacy. Its because its awesome- it really is. And at the same time, I was pretty neat (and dirty) single-ette who rarely wanted any of this, and carried along with sun shining on her shoulders!

Here's to a glorious past and a blissful present. Love.

Prayers

Just landed in Bangalore. One of those times when at 1130 in the morning, I'm at the Windsor, because our meetings are only in the evening.

I don't have much to write. I just heard the awful news about one of my seniors having cancer. I won't say much because a) I heard from some one else and b) I don't want to share any more information on her. I just feel terrible and I'm praying for her. When you've been out of touch for several years, that is probably the most you can do. I hope she recovers- because she deserves to

Out with the old

Happy new year! Been a while but it sounds like I'm going to be more regular here now. Why? Because I'm no longer on facebook. After trying multiple levels of privacy and contemplating deactivation a number of times, I've finally snapped the rope. Life was just too public and the charm was wearing off. I knew a lot about many people- almost as much as I would want to know. And nothing about them or anyone fascinates any more. Not because of something they did wrong, but because its all out there. And somewhere I suspect that is equally true of my life. I need to look forward to my friends and not preempt or second guess their lives. I need to live my life because I want to, and not because someone will see it on facebook and 'like' it. Peepu did it. Then, I did it.

What's in store for this year? I can hardly believe we're already 9 days in to it. I think this year may be more promising than last year. While last year brought with it marriage in my personal life and a promotion in my profession, this year will be when i celebrate the marriage even more and get me closer to my long term professional goals.

A big start has been on some resolutions. I'll post them only on this blog. Here's my resolutions note- written on the 1st of Jan. I've kept them on track the first week and aspire to follow them at least 3 weeks a month.

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My resolutions for this year~

A happy new year to everyone! Wish everyone a ton of happiness, satisfaction, fabulousness, fitness, adventure, love, bliss, good health and some time for yourself! Above all, take it easy this year!

I have resolutions. But unlike other years where I have had an abysmal record of adhering to these, I have a plan to make these stick better. I’m going to refresh my resolutions at the end of every month to see how I’m doing and measure success month on month. A shorter time frame is easier to manage and frankly, gives one less space to postpone it into.

So here’s my set:

Maintain better mental and physical health
-Do yoga once every 2 days. I can replace this with other forms of exercise but its the least I would do
-Include meditation in to yoga
-De-stress and visit the spa more often
-Eat less meat, smoke less and drink less
-Sleep better!

Its obviously a less glamorous picture but its time to get my act together on the physical and mental richness with which we live

Strive for greater efficiency at work
-Cut out social networking sites at work (tough!!)
-Spend no more than 10 hours in office. Work from home for the latter

Cut out clutter from life
-Throw old clothes
-Cook on weekends + one week day (and for the rest, declutter and eat what is available)

Drop me your reactions....and help me revive this quiet space.

The music is Sheher main, from Rockstar

The gift

I'm on the 21st, staring out at a mildly lit Tokyo. Its my first time in Japan and just like I had expected, I love that I don't know this place at all. Its so alien and after months, or years, barring the few days in Laos, I'm in a place that genuinely has me interested. Because of the wonder. Because the Japanese don't let much out to the world. Through their language, their culture, their pride- they keep it within. And to have the opportunity to spend a few days here, makes me fortunate.

As a generation, we travel. We love to see new places and update our friends with photos. I do too. But I find myself often doing more of the same. So much that Latin America, Australia- none of these interest me as much. I would happy to visit but increasingly feel less excited about what used to be lesser known places. Tokyo still fascinates me. It has, since I graduated 6 years back. The other place that does is Taipei. I have wanted to visit since 2006. Some day. Reykjavik. Seoul. Moscow. Ulan Bator. Havana. Buenos Aries. Alaska. All of these still fascinate me. Then there are some frequently visited ones that do too- first on the list is KL. Then, Jaipur. Cochin. Kota Kinabalu. Amsterdam. Brussels. Paris. You know there's a little bit of me in you too, isn't it?


I set out to write, after so long, because I'm having a private moment. And that;s usually when I write. I meet some old memories tomorrow, which bring back a flood of events in to the present. Its strange how I feel I'm living two lives. In anticipation of tomorrow, the past is happily making love to the present and it feels like an extended ongoing orgasm. That's my merry way of verbally celebrating the past!


Life is a gift. It truly is- as effing cliched as that sounds. Its a box of chocolates. Its love. Its all those cliched things people say. Its a bitch too. Its beautiful. Its a celebration. Its a roller coaster. Yes, all that.


Its never a routine. The excitement is in the head, the heart and a few other places. Its so much more in reading through vast reserves of information and soaking it in. Its no longer in sitting on that plane. Its in enjoying the single malt while watching a sitcom. Its in scrubbing yourself with sugar to remove the dryness of the ongoing winter. Just all that.


My travels have halted barring the odd trip here and there and I'm pleased as hell at least for a bit. I don't even crave vacation any more. Now each day is holiday. What's changed? So much, isn't it, if you've been reading me for a while? Its growth. I'm quieter, wiser, more comfortable and more about me than I ever was. This is the private moment, which I'm loving sharing with the unknown.

Lots of love.

Music- Dildaara from Ra.one. You get the drift?

Lite flight!

And this time I’m drinking on my flight from Minneapolis to Boston. What’s not to love about in-flight internet? And 96 calories of Millet Lite

I’m on whirlwind trip to the States. And just a week back, I was wrapped around my husband, kissing under the strong sun in the green waters around Chicken island at Krabi. It feels like the honeymoon ended and I made my short stopover in India while I was sleeping, and I woke up next in Minneapolis. I worked a lot this week. It was the harshest but best way to dive right back in to work. I enjoyed it. Friday should hopefully offer a few light hours before I board the plane back to Delhi.

The other major happening lately has been the fact that I kept my work outs up this trip. Of the 5 days here, I managed to exercise on 3 of them- already. Not too bad eh! I worked 15 hours a day and still managed the workout. And now, with just two more nights in between, I will be back with Peepu.

Its days as busy as this one, when I love life the most. I fondly miss Peepu, furiously type away on my computer, drink to keep it enjoyable and listen to Black Eyed Peas to make sure I can make a memory out of it.

Luang Prabang (2/2)

There's little else in the world that can bring the calm like me being wrapped in a crisp white towel following a hot water bath, with a cup of black coffee, a comfortable settee and the Air to write on.

We completed a day of walking around Luang Prabang and honestly, I'm amazed at just how much Peepu and I can walk in a day. We started with the old temples, the most fascinating of which was a Buddhist temple with one wall dedicated to the Ramayana. We walked further along the outer elongated ring and saw the Mekong and the Nam Kham converge- the waters made a beautiful pattern. I'm always thrilled to see water, and when the water is having a little prance of its own like this one, or like when the river in Kovalam met the ocean, it tickles me even more. It was only natural for me to find a restaurant on the other side of the river, which required us to seat ourselves on a light, very thin wooden boat. Peepu was terrified. I loved it. The precarious boat was operated dexterously by two Lao locals, who I might add, had extremely strong and sexy arms. Our restaurant was on an embarkment on the other side, with little kuccha villas where we ate and drank and played Scrabble.

Time just flew by. We went up to Mount Phousi (yes, pronounced as Mount Pussy) to get some stunning views of the city, and stunning views we got. The hike up and then the hike down was tiring but gave us a little bit of the workout we needed.


We're back in the hotel now. I'm wrapped up and on my newly adopted settee. Peepu just went up to the attic to stretch his legs out. I'm loving the coffee. Its funny how I would prefer a cup of coffee over my fave alcohol, almost always before 9 pm. We change with time.

Signing off. Love.

Forgotten land

Since my first blog post during this vacation got wiped out, I'm going to make this time an exception and write all over again.

But first, lets talk Luang Prabang. We reached here yesterday- ~11th day of our break. We took a flight from Siem Reap to Luang Prabang, via Pakse. These were the most expensive flights we had throughout this trip at $200 per person one way. And that for two days in the city. It wasn't meant to be two days but there's only one decently priced flight out of here to Bangkok and that's early morning on day 3, which sort of makes this an expensive and very short stop. And that is the only part about this hop that isn't lovely.

Luang Prabang isn't the capital of Laos. It used to be the Royal Capital, but given the location, terrain and size, Vientiane was made the National Capital. Luang Prabang with its sleepiness, monks, temples and French vestiges, acquired the status of a World Heritage Site. Its mountainous on the sides and in the middle, and has two rivers, one on either side. The larger of the two, Mekong characterizes the city with its muddy brown but calmly flowing waters. On the other side, the Nam Kham is much smaller, and has a few old bamboo bridges on it.

We're staying at a colonial hotel, which has extended since before 1925. Its on the embarkment of the Mekong and offers a stunning view of the waters. As we enter, there's a small living room with the bathroom sink in it, and separate enclosures for the shower and the toilet. In the living room, we have a single settee, facing a large glass window from where I stare out at the river as I type this post. There's an internal staircase leading up to the attic where there's a big bed for the husband and me to cozy up. I'll leave a pic here.

This is undoubtedly one of the most incredible places I've visited. It re-affirms my love for South East Asia and more broadly, the 3rd world. These countries are very poor. Even the pockets of wealth and advancement you see in India, re starkly missing here. There's humility in the people and calm on the streets. The visitors here are mostly from Europe, some of Asia and Australia. The place is too far for Americans and not glamourous enough for most Indians.

Last evening, when we reached, we changed and promptly stepped out to see the place. We visited quiet cafes and quaint restaurants. There was a vibrant night market with local crafts and preparations. We dined at a French-Lao restaurant, with the much awaited Beer-Lao. The ease in the air reminds me of how I had imagined easy going to be but never saw a city which really fit the imagined view. This town does. A beautiful French woman lay back on the couch, with the Beer Lao in one hand and half a cigarette in the other, having sober but light conversation with her friend. Two Asian women, in long maxis with their hair loosely tied up in buns enjoying their French fare with a bottle of wine. Peepu and me sharing a Lao Curry and Pork salad over Beer Lao, talking about Monks and our love for the 3rd world. That was the ease.

We got back and had some Single Malt as well. And then we slept. This morning, we ate the hotel's complimentary breakfast, by the river. A simple and small ham and cheese sandwich with papaya.

We have two days here, but we haven't planned those out. Much like the rest of our honeymoon, we will probably walk a lot, trek a bit, taste local food, get wet in the rain (since it rains every goddamn day) and then just be merry!

On fire

Charming, that I’m sitting on a train from New York to Boston, happily drunk amongst a sober lot! Sophisticated, that I’m wearing floral bloomer-esque shorts from Forever 21. Good enough, that I’m listening to Break on through. Trite, that the white guy sitting on the seat across looks at me occasionally, smiles, as he reads his copy of Shantaram.

New York met expectations. It was exactly half awesome and half depressing. Awesome because I met old friends, watched the architectural marvel the city is, got myself a couple of cute outfits and fit both, Guinness and Prosecco in to the weekend. At the same time, half the time I spent was depressing because of a small, dark and disappointing W on Lexington, a severe bout of anxiety this morning and that I’m running out of tampons. The wine makes up for a lot of the woes.

I was in New York the first time, a few years back when I came here to intern at Goldman Sachs on Wall Street. I was 21, impressionable and not ready but still cute enough to get by. I was living at 92nd Lex, at the Y, without a phone or a laptop. That was 2.5 months, spent working hard, eating (and sleeping) alone, reading magazines as entertainment and carefully shopping to make sure I didn't blow up the generous stipend! The last point is important as my love for money only went down since the first time I made some. The wall street giant paid me enough to cover for my education of 17 years, twice over. Yet, that's when I realized how over-rated money was. I was lonely in New York then. More timid here than I typically was. But it's a time gone, and I look back and smile.

This time, after 6 or 7 visits to the city, I finally decided to stay on Lexington Aevnue again. Of course, not the Y. This time it was the W (hotels following the alphabet!). It was disappointing but not enough for me to crib about it the 2nd time in one post.


I met Asha and Anurag for drinks. I barely knew them in school but it was still much fun. There’s so much similarly in all of us now, though not apparent on the face of it. A ton of fun. This morning was not much to write about. I woke up late, strangely anxious and it took half a day to wipe the feeling out. I stepped out finally in the evening a few hours before my train. I worked from Starbucks at 34th West, and it made me feel much better. What followed was a typical show of awesomeness- a cute cut-out back outfit, a mad run to the station to make it in time for the train, a few charming conversations with strangers and now the wine.

I’m alone. I was anxious today. Peepu isn’t here. But I’m writing. I’m tremendously attractive. Cheap Merlot. The Doors doing what they do well. A shit load of work tomorrow. Life is far from perfect but its good enough. And just given the events through the day, good enough is much better than perfect.

After thought- these were the 250 best calories I ever got

For the love of the blog

So this is the last of the posts on America, for at least another 40 days. Because its my last week before I take off for home, and my month off work. I’m on a bud from Boston to New York. I was going to be alone in the city this weekend and felt the urge to venture out. I loathe getting on a plane, especially these short haul uninteresting flights. I wanted a few hours of journey and decided I’ll try the bus on my way there, and the train for the way back. So far the bus is fun, though I fear it will turn out to be much longer than expected and I’ll end up regretting.

I see a young girl at a distance reading Anna Karenina, and it only reminds me of how just a few years back, I wouldn't think of traveling by air. The American countryside is at best pretty. I don't find it as interesting as the European one or better still, the Indian one!! But it is pretty!

I’m tired. I’ve been traveling a lot. Some things haven’t changed. I still travel casually. I still enjoy it. But its been a lot of late. I can still enjoy it but I’m definitely tiring. At the same time, I’l insanely excited about the honeymoon. Its fun travel. Let me tell you a few more plans while I’m at it.

• We’re backpacking. No suitcases! Its huge for me because its been a long time I survived on a few sets of clothes
• Its 22 days, in 4 countries
• Its in South East Asia- where my heart lies. I’ve enjoyed America and Europe, but at heart, I’m a thinly clad water bunny. I keep wanting to go back there. Its definitely more convenient but more than that, its just so real
• I’m not taking my laptop and I’m not leaving a cell phone number behind
• I plan to spend that time reading, writing, loving, running, river dipping, sunning. I don't plan to sleep much. Despite the fatigue, sleep still doesn't seem important.
• One of our stops is exceptionally close to my heart: I visited for 2 days 5 years back. We’re also staying at a place which a few years back, was called the most beautiful resort in the world by a luxury travel magazine. Of course I haven’t spent a bomb on it!
• *tw*

So I also bought the Lonely planet guide to New York. I’m going to be a tourist. In my several trips to the city, I haven’t yet been a tourist. No plans to do lady liberty and Times Square- not that kind of tourist. But I think I’ll spend a day at the MoMA. I’m increasingly interested to understand the inspiration behind the immense art that exists out there.

Its strange who we evolve over the years. A few years back I picked up writing, with this blog. Now I’m gravitating towards Art. A few years back I loved planes, and travel and all that. Today, I travel to make myself happy and not to pin flags in each city I step on. So all those pretentious honeymoon suggestions- Latin America, New Zealand, no, thank you very much! I’d love to visit but not now. These places will draw me themselves, if they are meant to. Why the change? I think it has something to do with being married to a man of substance. I’m embarrassed of being anyone else now….just me….free, dazzling and so eff-ing imperfect.

The music is, really, Witchy Woman!

Jazz in my coffee cup

As I spend more time alone, I blog more frequently. This time, I’m sitting in Starbucks which is literally inside the hotel. I had sushi for lunch and then stopped next door, tempted by a scone with a cup of Black.

I love 4th of July. While I have little affinity for the day as independence day, its just one of the nicer days I’ve spent in Boston this trip around. For starters, I came down to the coffee shop in the morning, and reviewed my team’s work from here. I had a working coffee with Pankaj right here- work is much more cheerful over coffee and good music. Soon after, I headed out to return some unnecessary purchases I had made while intoxicated by the sales and blinded by an aspirational weight loss target. All is well since then- the clothes have been safely returned. Of course, I did end up getting myself something else with the money saved- a scented candle in a beautiful silver stand, and a cut-out back dress- much more my size this time. (Urban Outfitters is my new fave store...its just so free)

Boston was warm today. While I walked back from the store, I could feel the sweat drip down my back. I came back and did one hour of yoga, a variant much more strenuous than what I usually do. As a reward, I prepared a nice hot water bath. Warm water, bubbles all over me and a good read made for a quite a reward. I stepped back down for lunch (though a little late in the day) – tuna tartar, miso soup and seaweed salad. I managed to review more work along side lunch and also send off a work plan. After that, it was coffee, which brings me back to where I am.

And tonight, it’s going to be 4th of July fireworks by the river Charles. Who needs sunshine, right? Well, to put things in perspective, I have had a rotten stint this phase. The 4 weeks I spent here last month and then last week when I came here the 2nd time, have all been nothing to write home about. I don’t like saying this on the blog but work has just not been fun. I can’t put a finger on it- it’s probably just the high expectations the last experience set for me. Nevertheless, it’s nice to have a day when I feel more positive.

What explains the cheer is also the fact that we’re booking our honeymoon, and we’re booking it slowly, piecemeal. We’re mostly done with it save the last few bookings. And it’s such a joy. We consciously didn’t do one earlier, just given family’s expectations, work demands and then April wasn't exactly there best time to go many places. In hindsight, what an awesome decision! In less than a month, Peepu and I will take off on a 3 weeks long journey across South East Asia. We start down south, in Kovalam, and then head over to the lovely KL. There’s a ton after that, but hopefully not too much packed in to 21 days. We’re staying 3-5 days in each place. In fact we’re spending very little time in the cities- just transit time. I look forward so much! To the ocean, the river and yes, the waterfalls!! We will live by the river, stare at the sunrise from our balconies, make love against the sounds of the ocean, travel by boat, drink beer on the chilly evening sand, eat food the taste of which varies between towns, and all the other good things. Touchwood :) Please do :)

The music...is Jazz. Its playing in the cafe. Its in everything I think and do right now

Comptine d'un autre ete

Another long weekend in the States. Another long weekend with myself in Boston.

Comptine d’un autre ete plays in the background. My faint knowledge of French tells me it means ‘song from another summer’ . I like it more because I feel free to interpret the title a different way each time. This time its about the summer I’m in. This summer that I’m living.

Staring out at Boston down town, wondering how warm the visible sunshine actually makes it outside and whether I’ll need a jacket through the day once I step out. I’ve just brewed some coffee. It didn’t brew well the first time so I had to replace the pod and its much better this time. The whiff spreads through my room and blends with the smell of the mist I’m wearing. I will soon switch hotels. I like the W but its some times too fancy for me. The Westin is relatively boring, but it also has a pool. It's the July 4th weekend and I got some very nice swim wear at an agreeable price. It's a shame not to swim then. Peepu’s mom just called. We caught up with me sheepishly trying to see if she’s even slightly mad at me being complete disconnected. I want to be much better at this but I’m not. Her conversation also reminded me that its time I call my folks too. I wish I were better at staying in touch.

This weekend is all mine. I’m alone and I don’t feel like working. I probably will not for most of it. May be I should loosen up and let things get screwed up, since that’s what my fear is.

I think I’ll step out now. To see what the rest of the weekend is like.

Flying to Bangalore

It's a crime to own a Mac and then post from a Dell. But since the Mac is safely tucked in its sleeve and I’m on a plane, I’ll just to what’s easiest.

I’m listening to Desperate Andy, a song I used to listen to during my Malaysia days. As a newbie in the firm, I would head to work wearing a black suit, with short cropped hair. I was living alone in KL. My team was all Asians, and stars. They always found India and Indians funny, but not necessarily in a bad way. We would all be working off a long table at our client’s place in Damansara. I would have this song plugged in my ears, humming and smiling while cranking through an excel model I was determined to demonstrate skill at. That scene would periodically provide amusement to my colleagues. I think it was the combination of the Indian girl, prominent glasses, razor sharp focus on the excel, the perpetual nodding as I agreed to this song in my ears, and a timid but smiling face, thanks to a torrid secret relationship. Those were great times lived.

Its Saturday morning. I’m on way to Bangalore for Christina’s wedding. The sun’s rays sharp on my screen. Peepu’s head on my shoulder and his long arms tucked in to my little white cropped jacket’s sleeves to keep him from being cold. The same song playing in my ears, incidentally. That’s when I think I should write.

I achieved a mile stone at work yesterday. Professional, yes but more personal for me. If you follow this space, you know my relationship with the firm is more emotional than atypical employee’s. This is where I earned my confidence. This is what rescued me from falling unfortunately in to the trap that often follows the IIM life. This was the only place I could work in. There was no choice. It made me back who I was meant to be and who I was through my early years, teens and college years- sharp, free spirited and fair*. This is where I learned to live alone and realize again that being alone was never a bad thing. This is where I met my husband- my companion for over four years - who taught me that it was those small hours, in which are lives are made, that will remain. I met coaches and role models often- people I wanted to emulate at work, sure, but more importantly, people I want to emulate in life. I often saw here that money is indeed incidental to great lives. Without going in to further love, I just want to say I’m happy. I’m excited. Of course I’m nervous!

I’m in Bangalore for the weekend with family. My fave people all together. I met Nidhi and Radhika last evening. My wonderful team was noticeably happy for me. Peepu and I have just booked our tickets to Malaysia, to walk those same streets I walked alone for 6 liberating months. That’s enough joy for me!

Desperate Andy is by the Cranberries and the chorus consists of Dolores singing ‘the world is your oyster, so go out and get high…go and get laid…and do whatever you want to’

Flying over New York

I'm posting live from a plane. I love Gogo in-flight internet. I'm probably flying somewhere over New York state- from Chicago to Boston.

I'm nearing the end of a long stretch here. In a few days, I head back. Peepu and I fly back together. He will fly to New York from Los Angeles, and I, from Boston. We'll meet after 4 weeks. We'll need a room!

I spent the weekend in Chicago, with Kabir. I love the city. I loved it when I first came here 2 years back, and I loved it even more now. There's a ton more fun in crashing in a friend's studio instead of a fancy hotel. I saw much more of the city. It wasn't just Michigan avenue. We had wine and dinner at a local trattoria. I went running by Lake Michigan. We finished a bottle of wine while watching Mad Men. And then a few cans of Guinness last night. I even visited his parents place this time. I haven't met them before. Of course, I shopped. The hypocrite in me succumbed to a Green Tumi :(

The flight will land soon. To cut things short, it was an amazing weekend! I feel great about life in general. I'm sapppily looking forward to meeting the husband. I'm positively elated about turning 28. Age agrees with me.

Ok, need to shut off now. Love.

P.S. Music is Dirty laundry by Don Henley

By the window

All right I'm on Saturday. This trip has been filled with jinx and the closer I draw to its end, the better it feels. Its not all bad, I'm sitting by the window on the 15th floor at the W in Boston, starting down at Dunkin Donut's, the red bricked city sprawled ahead and the American flag standing tall in multiple places across the city.

I worked from the Boston office yesterday. I knew a ton of people there, which is always a good feeling! A long association with that address .....

Its pleasing to move out of the suburbs for the weekend. The W is of course a luxury this job some times offers, and I gladly accept. But you know if I ever quit my job, I'll travel in a totally different way. Land, sea, air (not but business or first), rustic (but clean) hotels, youth hostels (heck I'm 27!), no laptop weighing me down (a tablet would be goooood). I'm glad work travel is comfortable, but it offers much less to learn and feel, than the way Peepu and I travel otherwise.

I came in by 10 pm last night, after 3 beers and a generally cheerful feeling. I spent last night reading what I love most. And this morning, I'm doing more of that. I'm writing, working, occasional words with the family, a long and hot shower, sipping coffee sitting by the window, wrapped up in a towel, getting liberated by the music playing. I realize how much more lovely I am without clothes than I am with them. I'm certain most people are. We were made that way for a reason.

I'm going to get dressed, in the beautiful chiffon dress I got last week and step out in to the city now. Of course, the world is a little bit of my oyster right now :)

Listening to Umbrella by Rihanna

America

This one is for you. I’ve spent a lot of time here in the last 24 months, and I think this warrants a post- dedicated to you, America, not one of the cities within.

First off, the things I love about you:

• Seasons! I love Delhi over Bombay for its seasons, and this country- has so a ton of seasons to offer. Strangely enough, you look beautiful in each of those seasons
• The time zones difference (within and outside). The difference really helps me savour you, because, outside of my will, it cuts me off from home. While that sometimes hurts, it often gives me a lot of time with you and myself
• The connection. The last 6 years have drawn me to you for a number of reasons, and each of those reasons and visits leaves an imprint in the story of my life
• Acceptance. Everyone in this country has the right to fulfill their basic needs. And while that’s true of many countries, there’s certain unabashedness about how America does it!
• The top 10 cities, of which I’m yet to see all: Boston, New York, Miami, Washington DC, Chicago, New Orleans, Los Angeles (meh!), Seattle (I haven’t seen this one, but its great in movies!) and San Francisco (next week, if all goes well), and Orlando (not seen this one either)
• You’re home to a ton of Indians- of all types! The 1970s emigrants who run gas stations and convenience stores, those who rose up to elite status and went to pedigree schools, the engineers living in Indian communities, the wannabes in the big cities who are trying desperately to fit in, those who actually fit in, those who don't try but fit in beautifully and sadly, those who humiliate the country and the continent (Galleon being a recent example)
• The variety- in everything! Asparagus, avocado, artichokes (a few years back , I wouldn't have told them apart); food; makeup; wine; home ware; books; coffee; hotels; oh for heavens sake even self-adhesive silicone nipple covers! There’s a choice for everyone and everything
• The hard work. Americans work hard. They sweat and toil for want of more, and they do it well. The unemployed don't chill- they want to be employed again. The employed deliver their best. You set an example for the rest of us.
• The West Coast. I haven’t seen much it apart from a few forgettable days in LA. Forgettable because it was confined to training in a hotel. There remains something elusive about it. It reminds me of my fave movie- The Graduate. Or Love Aaj Kal. Or growing up in awe of the city called ‘Berkeley’ because I would never be able to study there. And now, the emerging love for all things technology. Yet, I haven’t been there….and may be that's why it stays so beautiful in my mind

There’s many more I like but I’m careful not to step in to the territory covered by multiple websites and travel blogs. Now switching over to what I don't like- brace yourself America!

- The unprocessed food: Cheese, tortilla wraps, pine nuts, ‘fresh’ whole grain, egg whites- there is so much unprocessed food here. I can never trust what I’m putting in my mouth. The Sodium can almost be smelled from a distance. Just this morning, I saw my ‘healthy’ egg white omlette being cooked, with frozen packed egg whites! I’m staying in an up-scale hotel and yet
- Your assumption that my being here for a month on work is perceived by me, as a ‘perk’ of my job. And its my colleagues- from pedigree schools and sophisticated upbringing- who say it more. I enjoy America as much as I enjoy Thailand or Vietnam or the villages of South India. Its more due to who I am! I’m incredibly Indian. I’m here to work and will enjoy myself while I’m here. And that's the size of it
- Your approach towards hospitality. I’m not referring to welcoming a stranger barging in to your house. I’m talking about your hospitality industry. While nothing to cry about, your airlines, hotels, spas are nothing like your Asian counterparts’. I once paid $250 for a spa session where the spa-lady (I won’t call her masseuse) just turned up a jet of water on me. I understand that’s Vichy but that’s all I got. A personally operated shower for $250!
- The excesses. So I’m on the fence about this one. There’s variety, excitement, desire, zest, but at the same time, the wonder has been lost. American teenagers spend their free time in malls- there is little curiosity about the world, happenings, the universe, the forces of nature, literature, history, amongst other things. I see the average Indian child fascinated by a bicycle, a computer, the solar eclipse- I find that missing here. There is little fascination with life….
- Obsession with oneself. This one follows from the previous one. I may be over-doing it but there is an unimaginable obsession with one’s own life- and that’s something I find so conspicuous in this country. There’s little sharing of anything apart from the updates on the awesomeness of one’s life! I have the pleasure of knowing many Americans who aren’t like that- are not self obsessed- and they are wonderful. I only wish to see more of those

As you can tell, I love a lot more than I don't and I’m delighted to be here. You’re definitely a chapter in the story. May be even more, but that remains to be seen…..its a long life~~